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Picture by Illana

Just got back home from Tovana, a weekend vipassana meditation retreat.  Almost three days in silence – Jesus! My brain exploded with thoughts!  Crazy literally I thought of every moment in my life.  Is this how it’s suppose to be? Like everything from being a baby in the womb, to every past relationship, and every person. Just sending love to each and every person, love and light as we were instructed.  Then after every thought, I recognized it was a thought and a named it; this is a past memory, or this is a past event, or this was the feeling.  Really remembering that feeling for just that second and then completely detaching from it.

Letting it go.

Understanding that I experienced it and releasing it.

Holy sh*t!

I thought this weekend was a waste when we finished yesterday.  But now after a hit of green magic in an apple out of grandma’s window and writing it down obviously.  I thought it was a waste because when I finally was able to clear my head completely with zero thoughts, just scanning my body or seeing a white light (which I was imagining out of my forehead) it was only ~ 7 minutes in each 45 minutes session, a few minutes here, a few minutes there, and finally at the end for a little while right before the bell rang.  At certain times my brain actually hurt and I was wondering if my gray matter was moving in my brain like studies show…

I have been preparing for this weekend.  Not for this particular weekend because I signed up just a week before and was on the wait list until the day before.  But I’ve been meditating almost every day since we started the trip in India and in a meditative state most of the time, really present. Only lately I’ve started missing home. Probably because I’m at grandmas and have a lot of time to think – or meditate.

To sum up the lesson that I think I received from this journey so far… Is fully enjoying every moment of my past, the future or my imagination of it.  Then detaching and coming back to here.

Wow.

And I’m sure every teacher and guru says this but I actually think that now I know what they mean. I actually felt it! Sick! Ha!

Definitely doing a 10 day in North California when I’m back!

Tip from our teacher Karen: micro meditation.  When you wake up, meditate for 5 seconds, when you drink a cup of coffee take a breath and acknowledge this moment for 5 seconds…